- "And if that lunatic Bullywick comes knocking again, tell him I’ve gone on manoeuvres! In Kislev! FOR A YEAR!"
- —Grand Marshall Kurt Helborg, to his equerry[1a]
They say that Sir Bullywick Applebag won't rest until he gets a Halfling into the High Helms—an Altdorf regiment composed solely of men over 6' 6'' tall. Sir Bullywick—or just plain Bully to all his friends—isn't quite so dramatic in reality. He is quite willing to let the Big Footers have their own special clubs for tall people, just as long as there is a commensurate number of clubs for littler folk. Citing Lumpin Croop's famed regiment of Halflings, the Fighting Cocks, as his prime example, he continues to campaign for better treatment and greater recognition of Halflings in the military.[1a]
That is, however, but one small part of Bullywick's eternal campaign for the betterment of Halflings. Wherever two Humans have gathered, Bully will try to find a way to be nearby, demanding to know why no Halflings were invited. The excuse that they might not want to enter a sewing circle for young mothers or a Dwarfen theatre company, say, is shouted down as poppycock. Bully is very good at shouting. He can shout so loud the whole city of Altdorf can hear him, and he will go on shouting day and night until he is satisfied. Most find it easier to acquiesce to his demands than to listen to him for very long.[1a]
Bullywick is a friend to all Halflings, especially any travelling adventurers, because they so often can bring fame to the Halfling community or, contrariwise, damn them all by association with their criminal deeds. Any Halfling spotted arriving in Altdorf by Bully will be visited forthwith to have his character judged. His companions will also be judged, to make sure they are treating their companion correctly. If they are all upstanding gentlemen, Bully will probably have plenty of jobs for them, too—in the name of Halfling betterment.[1a]
Sir Applebag is an Altdorf native, the son of Lord and Lady Applebag. His ancestors were originally titled during the Vampire Wars, when they famously offered medical aid to the injured Emperor at the Battle of Hel Fenn. They immediately responded by moving to the capital and applying themselves to social climbing with the ferocity and tenacity of angry beavers. Although his family has always been politically connected, Bully is the first of the clan to be active in that realm. He fell into the role during his time at the University, where he rallied the few Halflings wealthy enough to attend into a fierce political unit, aiming to return the endless jibes and practical jokes that were assailed upon them by the Big Footers. When Sir Hugo Lorrenstein left the Graduation Ball covered head to toe in tar and crying like a babe, Bully celebrated both a resounding victory and the discovery of his life's calling. Since then he has taken things to a higher level, using his family's connections to get his bombast into the ears of all he can reach.[1a][1b]
Bully is tireless at being tiresome. Raised among twenty-three brothers and sisters, he learnt that the only way to get what he wanted was to be capable of making the most noise for the longest amount of time. Gifted with the lungs of an opera singer and the stamina of an ox, Bully excelled at this, and although he has moved on from childish squalls to lengthy political diatribes and street-side soapboxing, his modus operandi remains the same. He once famously won a public debate by talking for nineteen hours in a row, only stopping briefly to down a few pies and cups of ale as he went. Despite his constant stream of speech, Bully is well liked for his infectious zest for life and indefatigably cheerful manner—which is another way he tends to win arguments. People are so busy smiling and nodding along to his streams of verbiage that it’s only after Bully has left that they realise they’ve sworn to do whatever he asked of them.[1b]
The Applebags have always boasted that their name clearly describes their shape, and Bully is no exception. His stomach hangs low and round over his belt and under a barrel chest, rising up to a thin neck topped with a small head, of which most seems to be his ever-gaping mouth. Bully dresses in Halfling fashions but always immaculately, so that he can be assured entry to anywhere, from the Imperial Palace down. That is perhaps the feature most often cursed by his enemies: For a radical, he is infuriatingly well-groomed and respectable.[1b]