"Dear Lucrezzia, at last that idiot Brazino Inneundo ate the wrong kind of mushroom, the one that was meant for him! Of course, they think it was you. I heard that the cook was tortured into confession and mentioned your name, like they always do. Far be it from me to point the finger, but one cannot help admiring the expert choice of time and place! Brazino paid far too much attention to that fool Marmalodi. Now someone else will take charge of defending the city and will probably successed in holding on to it. Of course, you can rely on me not to breath a word of my suspicions to anyone!
Yours, Gossippa Lotta"
- —From a collection of letters sent by Gossippa Lotta to various Princes and other notables. This letter was sent to Lucrezzia Belladonna and refers to the poisoning of the Mercenary General hired to defend the city of Trantio against besieging forces of Luccini. It is interesting to note that Gossippa is said to have employed a succession of Halfling food tasters in the years following the siege of Trantio.[1b]
Gossippa Lotta is a Tilean exiled Princess of Verezzo, courtier, diplomat, assassin and highly regarded advisor to several mercenary generals on campaign.[1a]
History[]
Gossippa accompanied a variety of generals, providing much vital advice during their campaigns. She recorded her experiences along with various titbits of gossip and anecdotes.[1a]
She was in charge of the field kitchens at the siege of Ciarascura when unpaid mercenaries began to mutiny. She refused them food until the siege was over and crushed the rebellion.[1a]
Generals she served with included Sandro and Borgio the Besieger.[1a]
Before the battle of Vennia she was asked to pose as Myrmidia for the painting of a regimental banner, yet as the artist had not enough color pots her red and gold dress was depicted as a classical white robe.[1a]
Later she wrote The Art of Statecraft - which would become a handbook for mercenary generals.[1a]
Extracts From The Art of Statecraft by Gossippa Lotta[]
In her unique career, Gossippa Lotta, exiled Princess of Verezzo, accompanied several mercenary generals on campaign. Gossippa rose to prominence when she crushed a mutiny among the unpaid mercenaries of Remas at the siege of Ciarascura. She was in charge of the field kitchens and resolutely refused to feed any of the soldiers until they agreed to finish the siege. After that, her qualities were much in demand by various generals as an advisor, diplomat and courtier. She wrote down her advice, laced with numerous anecdotes and camp gossip, in the classic work for which she has become rightly famous. The Art of Statecraft has become a handbook for mercenary generals throughout Tilea and beyond.[1a]
How to become a victorious Mercenary[]
In all the mercenary generals I have known or heard about who always won their battles, I noted the following characteristics. Firstly, they were always decisive. Secondly, they always rolled high numbers when playing any game of dice with the soldiers in camp, except on those occasions when they wanted to roll low numbers. Thirdly, they always listened to my advice and invariably acted upon it so that I did not have to tell them again and again. Finally, and in my opinion most important of all, they always ate properly. After each day on campaign they sat down to a four course meal and drank up all their wine. This made them strong and intelligent and gave them the energy to win battles.[1a]
Choosing mercenaries who can be trusted[]
Borgio used to say that I had an eye for a good soldier, and he often let me look over the mercenaries before be hired them. When I watched them hard at work doing their drilling, and saw how big and strong they were, I could tell which ones would be the best fighters and so I told Borgio 'Hire these boys, but not those others'. If any mercenary captain ever showed me no respect, I told Borgio `Do not hire him!' If any soldiers do not dress very smart and polish their armour to look good in the battle and make the enemy afraid of them, I would say 'Don't hire these ruffians again! They got no discipline.' Of course, Borgio always listened to my advice and so did many other famous generals I could mention.[1a]
Concerning the correct use of pikemen[]
One day, just before the great battle of Piza, Sandro, who was our general at the time, said to me 'Can you think of any way to use pikemen?' I said, 'Of course, I certainly can!' Then he said that he really wanted to know how he should deploy them in the battle on the following day. You see he had very many pikemen under his command and hardly any other troops, except some scruffy crossbowmen on the galleys who never showed no respect to anyone.[1a]
I will tell you the advice which I gave to him I said `Make sure they eat up all of their rations and don't stay up drinking and playing dice with the bad boys from the galleys before the big battle tomorrow . Otherwise the boys will fall over their big long pikes because they are too tired to hold them up straight!' Then I said that in al the battles I have seen, and that is a lot I'll have you know, the pikemen always win when two regiments fight together side by side. First, one regiment marches forward while the other one stays still and the boys point their long pikes at the enemy. Then the other regiment stays still and points the pikes while their friends move forward. If the enemy fights one of the regiments, the other one will charge them in the flank. The enemy don't know what to do! It doesn't matter which one they charge, it's the worst for them! Naturally, Sandro followed my advice and won the battle.[1a]
Concerning the correct use of artillery[]
It was in the battle of Ciabbatta that I saw the general sending all the galloping cannons into the middle of the battle line. When the general rode off to the left flank I went straight over to the guns, even though the enemy were shooting at me all the time — I didn't care! I said to the captain of the gunners, 'What are you doing here in the middle of the battle, it's not a good place for you. Now listen to me! Send half of the guns to the left and the other half to the right, at once!' The captain showed me proper respect and did what I told him. This was very good because the guns could shoot from each side into the middle of the enemy, instead of being in the middle, running away from the enemy when they charge and not doing no firing! Of course, we won the battle and so the general didn't mind me making little changes to his deployment. In the next battle, the general got it right and I didn't have to go and tell them all over again.[1a]
How to form an invincible battle line[]
Firstly all the soldiers must eat up all their pasta like good boys. Then a regiment from each city and from each part of the city should be put next to each other in the battle line, so that every regiment is right next to another regiment from a different place. Then before the battle starts, the soldiers of each regiment will shout out to the ones next to them, 'Hey, your city is no good!' or 'Eh! We will capture more standards than you!' But they do not start hitting each other like Goblins! No, they go forwards and hit the enemy instead! Each regiment tries to show that it is the best. It don't matter who is the best, but it is worst for the enemy![1a]
How to protect the flanks and rear of the army[]
The pikemen are such big, strong boys and they hold up the big, long pikes tall and straight so that no one can get near them. All the enemy can do is run away or beg for mercy. So what do they do? They send troops around the back of the pikemen! Give them a nasty surprise that they will never forget! Put all the duellists at the back of the pikemen. If any enemy show their faces behind the battle line, the duellists will set upon them from all sides and chase them off. It don't matter if they are creepy flying things or a big show-off with all the usual magical trinkets![1a]
Why every regiment must have an inspiring standard[]
Every regiment must have a beautiful standard. The standard should always be a work of art. This inspires the soldiers to be brave. One day, just before the big battle of Venni, the captain of a regiment came to see me. He was very sad because the regiment did not have a very good banner and the general had told him `Your regimental banner is not very good, everybody gets half pay until you get a new one!'[1a]
He decided to make it better by painting on it the figure of Myrmidia. But he needed someone to pose for the figure of the war goddess; someone who would inspire the soldiers to acts of selfless courage to prevent the beautiful image of the goddess falling to the enemy. Despite my busy schedule, I volunteered to pose for the figure of Myrmidia.[1a]
Then he said that since he only had one pot of white paint, he would not be able to paint me in my red and gold dress, so I must take it off and pose wearing just a helmet and a flimsy bit of silk like in the very old paintings of Myrmidia. Naturally, I did this little favor for the regiment. Next day the regiment marched into battle under the banner bearing my image which was baring all as Myrmidia! Of course, the regiment was the bravest in the whole army![1a]
Beware of hiring Ogres and Halflings[]
Do not hire Ogres or Halflings if you expect to be besieged. Nor should anyone put them to hold a fortress or city which may become surrounded by the enemy. The reason for this is very simple. Ogres and Halflings have very big appetites. They eat twice as much food as the most hungry man and then ask for more! If they do not get fed as much as they like, they get very upset. Ogres will go on the rampage and eat anything. Halflings will sit around grumbling and won't do any more fighting. The only thing you can hope for when this happens is that the Ogres will eat the Halflings and solve the problem! If there are limited supplies in the fortress and the mercenaries are on rations, the Ogres and Halflings will' raid the stores and before you know it the garrison will run out of food. The best thing to do if you find yourself in this situation is to say to the Ogres or the Halflings, 'If you want more food, you better go out there and get it from the enemy!' Then send them out on a sally to round up provisions for the whole garrison. They will go out with great enthusiasm and give the enemy a really bad beating, and they are certain to come back with something to replenish the supplies! I myself advised this strategy at the siege of Riccotta. It was so successful that it broke the siege![1a]
How to take over the state and make yourself a Prince[]
When you have defeated a rival prince or overthrown the republic, do not execute his entire family or the entire deposed senate of the city (at least, do it straight away or not at all). Everyone who was afraid for their lives will breathe a sigh of relief and feel very, very grateful. You should then announce that you are going to beautify the city with great works of art. All your rivals will give you funds to prove their loyalty and gain your favour. Share out half of everything that comes in among the soldiers and use the rest to hire artists, sculptors and architects. Now all your rivals will say 'Not only is our Prince merciful, but he is also cultured.' Also the soldiers will say 'Our Prince always pays up on time!'[1a]
How to dispose of rivals[]
When there are rivals who want to become Prince, the best thing to do is poison them. Unfortunately there will always be rivals who are somewhere else when you rise to power and one day they will turn up with a big army on your doorstep. That is why it is important to put your agents in every city. Always be willing to send troops as mercenaries to any Prince who is not at war with you. Send mercenary captains who are loyal to your house with them. In the camp they will meet mercenary captains loyal to your rivals and learn their plans. Then you strike...[1a]
Why no one should take any notice of Giovanni Marmalodi[]
Giovanni Marmalodi wrote a treatise on siegecraft. No one who has ever taken his advice has ever held on to their city or fortress! Marmalodi was never in no sieges ever and he made everything up. One day he came to Remas while I was staying there with the Prince. He went on a tour of the walls. Then he said that the towers on the north gate were leaning over the moat far too much and the angle of fire was all wrong. So I said to him 'What 'do you know about it Giovanni! It's not so bad, it's a nice tower! You just got no respect for the work of Leonardo da Miragliano!' Of course he knew that I knew that he didn't know that it was the great Leonardo da Miragliano who built the towers. So he shut up his face straight away and went off to another city. I heard that their walls fell down soon afterwards![1a]
Trivia[]
Her name is an obvious pun on the phrase "Gossips a lot." This wordplay was preserved even in the Italian version of Warhammer Armies: Dogs of War (5th Edition), where she is named "Spettegolinda di Molto".[2a]
Interestingly, C7 (Cubicle 7) has since introduced a settlement named "Molto" in Tilea, which could very well be the ancestral home of her family.
Sources[]
- 1: Warhammer Armies: Dogs of War (5th Edition)
- 2: Eserciti di Warhammer: Mercenari (5th Edition)
- 2a: pp. 68-69