Crazy Spider and Squatting troll

Crazy Spider and Squatting Troll.

Crazy Spider (originally Skummy) was a Forest Goblin Warlord who formed a coalition between Savage Orc and Forest Goblin tribes and rallied them against the Empire prospectors trespassing into their territories.[1a]


Throughout the many histories that have been written of the Empire, there are great tales told of valiant victories, of heroes standing against impossible odds - tales of great leaders such as Sigmar and Magnus the Pious. However, if you delve deep enough, amongst the dustiest corners of the most run-down libraries of Altdorf, you might just find a story that many would rather be forgotten, for defeat does not rest well in the hearts of those brought up in the Reik. The story concerns a man by the name of General Schuster and a Forest Goblin called Crazy Spider.[1a]

Reports had been reaching Altdorf of a force of Goblins and Orcs led by Crazy Spider, who'd been raiding the small mining settlements on the outermost borders of the Empire. General Schuster was the commander of one of the forces sent to deal with this growing threat.[1a]

Prospectors from the outlying provinces of the Empire had been getting braver (or greedier) in their search for precious minerals and metals. They had begun to delve deeper and deeper into lands that would once have been considered too dangerous, due to their high Orc and Goblin population. This was annoying the Greenskins to no end, who resolved to rid themselves of this human threat. Two Forest Goblins in particular were at the forefront of this movement - the Warlord Crazy Spider and the Shaman Squatting Troll.[1a]

When Crazy Spider was young, he had seen a vision after eating a particularly large, colourful (and tasty) spider. He had seen himself as a great warrior, riding across battlefields on the back of a Giant Spider, dodging the bolts and arrows of all his foes. He immediately changed his name (which was previously Skummy) and set out to prove himself in combat. He rapidly became one of the few Forest Goblins to ever earn the title of Warlord, gaining the respect of Orcs and Goblins alike. He became legendary for his uncanny ability to avoid enemy missile fire.[1a]

Although Squatting Troll was not a great warrior, he was a great leader and a powerful Shaman. It was on his shoulders that the responsibility fell when the Forest Goblins needed guidance.[1a]

Between them, Crazy Spider and Squatting Troll had managed to band together all the local tribes of both Savage Orcs and Forest Goblins, forcing them to put aside their own petty animosity for long enough to drive out the Empire prospectors.[1a]

An initial force of Empire troops had been dispatched to guard the prospectors, but this force had been ambushed and routed easily by the Savage Orc and Forest Goblin coalition. It was as a result of this that a larger army, under the command of General Schuster, had been sent to locate the Orc and Goblin camp from which they were launching their attacks, and destroy it totally.[1a]

Schuster was an arrogant man, with absolute confidence in his own abilities as a commander. He felt sure that his troops would have no problem at all in dealing with a renegade Forest Goblin and a few mobs of Boyz. This overconfidence would prove to be his downfall.[1a]

Schuster was determined to get the job done and get back to Altdorf as quickly as possible. Every seven years, the Colleges of Magic hold a magical duel to decide the new Supreme Patriarch of the Colleges, and Schuster was determined that he should return in time for the festivities and celebrations that accompany this event. In order to speed his progress, he force-marched his troops for three days.[1a]

He was quickly able to locate the Greenskin camp, and prepared to attack. His one concern was that on seeing his troops approaching, the Orcs and Goblins would turn and flee, leaving Schuster with no opportunity to give them a good sound thrashing. He decided, therefore, that he would split his army into two divisions. The first division would attack the camp directly. Meanwhile, he would personally lead the second division round behind the camp in order to cut off the Greenskins as they fled.[1a]

But things did not quite work out like this. The first division, on seeing the size of the enemy horde, which Schuster had vastly underestimated, hesitated in carrying out their attack. Squatting Troll, who had had a vision of this battle in which he saw the Empire forces being annihilated, called out to counter attack, quickly driving off Schuster's first division.[1a]

Meanwhile, Schuster, who was leading the second division around the back, had been held up at a river crossing by a group of four unusually bright River Trolls. By the time he had fought his way across and round to the back of the camp the first division had already been routed, and the Orcs and Goblins had moved into position to attack Schuster and his force.[1a]

Seeing the predicament that he had put himself in, Schuster immediately headed for a nearby hill on which he hoped to be able to form a strong defensive position. Unfortunately for him, Crazy Spider, who was at that moment returning from a raid, appeared over the ridge of the hill. This left Schuster stranded, deep inside Greenskin territory, and surrounded on all sides. Popular legend (especially the Goblins') claim that of the force that accompanied Schuster, only a single horse survived the ensuing slaughter.[1a]



  • 1: White Dwarf #195 (UK Edition)
    • 1a: pg. 38-40

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